How to Avoid Ruining a Good Friendship

Adventure is a State of Mind

All the friends and family you enjoy hanging out with will make great travel companions, right? Actually, not always.

Don’t Let Travel Ruin Your Relationships and Vice Versa

Although some of you reading this will travel alone, most of you will travel with at least one friend or family member, and sometimes trips will include enough additional friends and/or family members so that you basically form your own independent travel tour group. Choosing who you travel with may be a decision as important as the decision about where you are planning to go.

I have occasionally asked someone about a recent trip they took only to hear a list of complaints about the difficulty of dealing with their travel companions. Sometimes there are so many complaints that the general impression, whether it was true or not, is that the entire trip was ruined. Occasionally the relationships may have also been ruined by the trauma of having what should have been an enjoyable trip negatively impacted by the trials and tribulations of mismatched travel personalities. For this reason, I think it’s very important to carefully consider what it would be like to travel with the person or persons you are considering as travel companions.

A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles.

Tim Cahill

Your initial reaction may be, “But they’re my friends! Of course we would have fun taking a trip together!” It is true that most of us enjoy spending time with our friends. They probably wouldn’t be our friends if we didn’t! But spending a few hours per week, or even per day, is different than being together every single hour (except maybe when you’re in the bathroom) of every single day for several days or weeks in places and situations that are new and, therefore, at times stressful.

Also, although most of us have shared a variety of activities with our best friends, from dinners and bookclubs to hikes or home repairs, it is sometimes surprising to realize how narrow the range of activities we have shared with our friends actually is. Have you seen your friend first thing in the morning before they are fully caffeinated? Have you been with your friend when they are lost and frustrated that plans are not working out?

Who Makes the Best Travel Companion?

While it’s impossible to predict all of the things, good or bad, that you and your travel companions will learn about each other during a trip, it is possible to make an educated guess as to who you will enjoy traveling with and who you will not. Sometimes your idea of a good time is different from your friend’s ideas. Neither of you is wrong, but it some cases, the differences will not mesh well on a trip. For example, I have some friends with whom I really enjoy spending time but who I know would not be good travel companions for me because they are rigid, excuse me, passionate about their exercise schedules while my opinion on the matter is “who wants to work out on the hotel treadmill when instead you can be taking a leisurely stroll through a neighborhood filled with sights and sounds you’ve never before experienced?”

There is nothing wrong with how my friends want to spend their leisure time, but our schedules might not be very compatible if we took a voyage together.

I also have some friends who view food only as a way to get enough calories into their bodies to stay alive so they can attend the next play or musical performance they have scheduled. They probably would have little to no interest in the effort that Greg and I have sometimes put into finding a restaurant that has amazing food.

There are no specific characteristics or interests that make someone the perfect travel companion. Instead, the perfect travel companion for you is the one who matches your personality and travel style in the important ways and is flexible and can compromise with you in the areas in which you differ. (Hmmm, sounds a little like marriage to me.) For example, I have a very dear friend who sometimes is unable to walk as much as I may want to, but she always carries her Kindle with her and is happy to wait while I explore the far corners of a park, a few of the side streets off of a town square, or an additional floor of a museum. And then, sometimes, I’m happy to sit with her and visit and people watch. We both love sharing our travel adventures, and when it comes to the ways in which our travel styles differ, we’re usually able to compromise and have had shared many successful and very enjoyable trips together.

A Direct Conversation Can Prevent a Travel Disaster

In summary, the best way to decide whether to travel with someone is to have a conversation with them about what they like to do and how they envision their perfect trip, and make sure to share the same about yourself. This can be a fun and creative conversation over dinner or a glass of wine, and even if you ultimately decide that your friend is not your ideal travel companion, it’s an opportunity to learn more about each other and to deepen your friendship. Not sure what sort of questions to ask? Check out the suggestions in this post: Some Questions to Get the Travel Party Started.

Who would you like to plan an independent travel adventure with?