Sleeping in a Cardboard Box and Conversations with Strangers

Adventure is a State of Mind

What do you talk about when you meet a stranger? If you’re an American, you probably ask the other person what they do for a living, but this isn’t always the first question asked by individuals in other countries. In fact, in some countries, such as France, it’s considered a little rude to ask about another person’s occupation.

The Gift of Swapping Stories

I don’t necessarily find it rude to discuss what people do for a living, and I’ve certainly gone blank at a party and not been able to think of any other questions to ask. When I’m at my conversational best, however, there are many other things I’m interested in learning about the person I’m talking with….one of my favorite topics (obviously) being travel.

Taking Advice from a Stranger

I was once at a social event connected with my husband’s work and was sitting next to a woman I had never met before. She loved to talk about travel as much as I did, and we spent an enjoyable evening sharing travel stories and recommendations.

When I asked her where her all-time favorite trip had been, she named a place where I had not only never been but didn’t know anything about — the Azores. She not only convinced me that this was a place I wanted to visit, but she introduced me to an internet company that finds and publishes deals on different travel and entertainment packages and specials — Travelzoo. (I don’t have an affiliation with them. I just think it’s a fun and useful website, so of course, I want to share it with you!)

When a travel package to the Azores appeared on Travelzoo, Greg and I and another couple jumped at the opportunity. It included our flights to and from Boston and Terceira, Azores, transportation to and from the airport to the hotel, and six nights in a seaside hotel with a hearty continental breakfast every morning for only $499 a person! How could we pass that up?!

I’ll admit it, we were a little nervous. What is it they say about a deal being “too good to be true?” In fact, when I told my brother about the trip, he expressed concern that it was so inexpensive that we would be sleeping in a cardboard box!

Luckily, the deal was legit and we had a wonderful stay at an extremely affordable price.

A Fear of Talking to Strangers

Talking to strangers can be uncomfortable, especially for those of us who tend to be more introverted. There are huge dividends, however, in striking up a conversation with someone we don’t know.

Interacting only with people who are already your friends is comfortable, but it is likely that you are friends because you share so much in common. And since we tend to share activities with our friends, we also have a history of shared experiences. Meeting and talking with individuals who are not already in our social circles increases our chances of learning something new because new people have likely had different experiences…such as taking a trip to someplace you’ve never been.

When you’re traveling to someplace new, locals are often the very best source of information about the area, but obviously you have to talk to strangers (unless you’ve traveled to visit a friend) to gain access to that information. In a previous post, I described visiting Gamla Laugin, the oldest swimming pool in Iceland. My traveling companions and I would not have even known about that opportunity if we hadn’t taken the time to have a long conversation about the area with the host of where we were staying rather than just discussing the basic information needed to check into our accommodations.

Opening Up the Conversation

When asking for information about an area, how we ask questions can make a difference. A closed-ended question that can be answered with a “yes” or “no” will net the least information. For example, if I ask, “Is the restaurant next door good?” I will likely be told yes or no. What I won’t be told in response to that question is about the absolutely amazing restaurant that might be down the block and around the corner.

Even open-ended questions, however, can be asked in ways that will gain us more or less of the information we are seeking. For example, if we ask the concierge of a hotel, “Where is the best place to eat dinner?” we may get a recommendation for a nearby restaurant frequented by many tourists. Not a helpful response if what we are actually wanting to find out is where the locals prefer to eat. We will likely get a more helpful answer by asking something along the lines of, “Where do you and your family prefer to go for a nice dinner?”

The Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship

Talking to strangers is also how most, if not all, friendships begin. I am so grateful that my best friend in college had the courage to ask to sit next to me in the dining hall on the third day of us both starting at the university!

And even if you’re not hoping to make a life-long friend, if you are staying in an area for more than a few days, conversations with strangers can lead to shared time together for the short-term and enhance your overall enjoyment of the journey.

On my first trip to Europe, my friend, Heather, and I met a young woman from New Zealand during our ferry crossing from England to France. I don’t remember which of us started the conversation, but I know that we enjoyed it so much that we arranged to meet the next day and explore Paris together.

Strangers Like You More Than You Realize

Some of you may have convinced yourselves that you can’t approach a stranger because you’re too shy or because you assume that the other person will not be interested in talking with you. In fact, research indicates that this just isn’t true. A 2022 study concluded that most people do not approach strangers because of a fear of being rejected and a fear that the interaction will be negative. They underestimate the interest that others have in connecting with them and how much their conversation partners will like them and enjoy their company.

There are no strangers here; only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

The reality is that the majority of people are open to conversations with others and enjoy them when they occur. So most of us are open to connecting and enjoy having conversations with others, but we incorrectly assume that no one else feels the same way.

Connecting Increases Happiness

Besides learning about new travel ideas, an additional benefit of talking to strangers is an increase in feelings of happiness. A study conducted in 2014 concluded that treating a stranger the way we would an acquaintance — participants were directed to smile and have a brief conversation with a barista — increases feelings of happiness and belonging. Human beings are social creatures by nature, so it’s not surprising that interactions with anyone, even strangers, would increase feelings of well-being.

What is the most effective way to overcome our pessimistic beliefs about conversations with strangers and to increase our opportunities for enhanced happiness? Practice!

Research has demonstrated that repeatedly finding, approaching, and talking to strangers helps individuals to feel more confident in their conversational abilities and more optimistic about having a positive interaction. In that study, practice was encouraged through the use of a scavenger hunt which required the participants to approach strangers, but talking to strangers about traveling or when traveling is also an excellent practice opportunity. And such conversations can have the added benefit of learning about new adventures that hopefully don’t involve sleeping in a cardboard box!

How easy is it for you to initiate conversations with strangers? How have you benefitted from talking to a stranger in the past?