Adventure is a State of Mind
There is no perfect bag… nor is there a perfect trip.
But, there are some that come close, and the quest is part of the fun.
The Problem With Bags
Actually, if I’m honest, I should title this section “My Problem With Bags.” Take a look at my closet and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.
On second thought, no, please don’t look at my closet! It’s hard to admit how many bags I have. And that doesn’t count those I’ve bought and eventually given away.
It’s not so much that I have a bag fetish. The root of the problem is that I’m constantly on the search for the perfect bags. The perfect purse. The perfect backpack. The perfect wallet. The perfect toiletries bag. And, of course, the holy grail – the perfect suitcase. (I should say perfect suitcases, plural, since sometimes I want to only take a carry-on and sometimes I want to take a checked bag.)
I keep hoping that the perfect bag is out there. Just the right size with the perfect number of pockets and durable, but comfortable, straps and handles. Everything I need to take with me will fit into it just right with only a little bit of room left over for those things I might pick up while I’m out and about and want to bring home.
The Problem With Perfection
The reason my closet is filling up is each time I think I’ve found the perfect bag, I buy it. Then once I start using it, I discover the numerous small things that keep it from being perfect. Sometimes it’s a problem that doesn’t appear until it’s used, such as when a bag ends up being a strange shape or unbalanced once it has objects in it. (I have a rolling suitcase that stands up just fine… until you put anything in it. Then it consistently falls over the minute you let go of the handle.)
Sometimes the imperfection is because of changes in how I travel and what I want to be able to pack. Other times, new products are developed and I now want those features.
The problem is perfection doesn’t really exist, in bags and in life.
There can be almost perfect moments, but even those are rare and temporary.
Perfection is a horrible goal because it can never be reached. And if we equate our ideas of success with perfection, we are constantly left feeling like we failed. As Paula Pant says in her podcast (Episode 463), “The gap between expectation and reality is where disappointment lives.”
Perfection as a Direction
There is still value in a vision of perfection. Once we accept that perfection doesn’t exist and cannot be attained, we can use our ideas of the perfect bag, perfect trip, or perfect life to give us some guidance as to what we want to pursue and work toward.
Perfection provides direction.
When it comes to bags, I know that I am generally trending toward trying to pack less, so smaller is better. I know that light-weight but durable materials are worth paying more for because they are lighter to carry and last longer. I also know I like pockets, but too many just confuse me and don’t get used.
Similarly, when it comes to travel, I know that as I’m getting older, trying to do fewer things in a day results in enjoying those days more. And I’m also learning to enjoy spontaneous adventures. (I’m a natural planner, but Greg is much more spontaneous, so we’ve both learned to compromise and benefit from the other’s strengths.)
With both bags and trips, no matter what choices I make, something will keep them from being perfect. Sometimes it’s a malfunction – a zipper breaks or a plane is late. Sometimes it’s something I didn’t even realize I might need or want – during the trip I might keep losing pens to the bottom of a deep pocket. Or I might visit Milan, Italy, and not realize until I return home that there were beautiful canals not far from where we stayed, which we missed.
The lack of perfection doesn’t have to ruin the experience, though. And it doesn’t mean I made a wrong choice.
Having perfection as a direction helped me to buy the bag that probably was great 99 percent of the time. (And also provided some fun conversations with friends who are also in pursuit of the perfect bag.) Perfection as direction helped us to choose Milan as a beautiful city to visit, even if we missed the canals.
It’s the existence of the goal and the process of trying to attain it that brings us enjoyment, not the actual achievement.
The Problem With Social Media
Humans have always struggled with comparing themselves to others, but social media has exacerbated the problem and increased our expectations… and disappointments.
If you’re looking at your friends’ curated and highly edited photos of their latest travel adventure on Facebook or Instagram (or even the photos on Brave Wise Traveler), it’s easy to think that others are achieving the perfection that you are striving for but can’t seem to achieve.
On Facebook, a friend recently posted a photo of herself in a dirty t-shirt with her new baby and screaming toddler. The photo was striking for two reasons – one because of how she shared a very honest photo of her life rather than a highly curated photo of a “perfect” life, as most people do on social media. The other thing that makes the photo so memorable is how joyful she looks despite the parenting stress so evident in the photo. This friend has been open about her struggles with infertility, and I know that, perhaps more than many parents, she appreciates and celebrates even the difficult aspects of parenthood.
Maybe more of us need to do something similar with travel photos. Along with the beautiful photos of sunsets, cathedrals, and gelato, maybe we should share more photos of our jet-lag-exhausted faces, dirty shirts, and bruises. Because as much as we travel for all of the beauty and adventure, the fatigue and dirt are part of the journey as well.
Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.
John Wooden
Don’t Let Perfection Stop You
Perhaps the biggest danger in the pursuit of perfection is how the fear of not being able to do things perfectly often prevents people from even trying.
If I refused to buy any bag until I was sure I had found the perfect one, my closet would be empty. I also would never leave home because I wouldn’t have anything to pack my clothes in.
If someone is determined to plan the perfect trip where nothing will go wrong, they will never experience a travel adventure.
Just doing something, even though you know it won’t be perfect, leads to something new. It might be a new experience or it might be learning more about what you like and don’t like.
Years ago in the pursuit of the perfect purse, I bought one made by OGIO. As you might expect, it’s not perfect. (I decided it’s bigger than I want to carry every day.) I did learn in the process, however, that OGIO bags use very durable materials and they back up their bags with a warranty. (A button fell off the purse and they replaced it for free.) Because of those features, I recently bought an OGIO toiletries bag. I know it won’t be perfect, but it’s the best (for me) option I’ve come across so far.
The same is true for travel – sometimes what you plan turns out not to be exactly what you hoped for, but it might lead to something else amazing.
When I was in Venice, Italy, with Greg and our nephew, Dathan, we went to Libreria Acqua Alta, a bookstore famous for keeping its books in bathtubs and boats because of frequent flooding. I’d fallen for the beautiful online photos of this unique bookstore piled high with previously water-damaged books. When we arrived, however, the small bookstore was so crowded that the only way in was to join a single-file line snaking through the store. There wasn’t time or space to stop and browse the books for sale. And what’s the point in visiting a bookstore if you can’t look at the books?!
The store was so claustrophobic that we exited as soon as we could. On the same small piazza as the bookstore was a mask shop, Papier Machè. We were entranced by the unique masks in the window, went in, and had a wonderful visit with the owner and his wife who showed us their process of forming and painting the masks. The owner also shared with us his experience of Venice during the Covid lockdowns. I came home from our travels with a beautiful and unique mask, unlike any of the ones I had seen in the more touristy areas of Venice.
Because we hadn’t previously known the mask shop even existed, we would have missed out on this opportunity if we hadn’t had the disappointing visit to Acqua Alta.
Nothing is perfect, and there are always disappointments in life, but as Dr. Ellen Langer says, “Rather than waste your time being stressed over making the right decision, make the decision right.”
Enjoy the Journey
I know there are no perfect bags, but I’m also pretty sure that I won’t stop searching for them. I have several good friends who love to travel, and they also enjoy the hunt for the perfect bag. Just like travel adventures, what we’re each seeking is a little different from each other. Half of the fun is in the pursuit and comparing notes with each other.
Similarly, the perfect trip doesn’t exist, but that doesn’t have to stop us from planning our future travel adventures. Obviously, we try to plan things that are enjoyable and special, but they’re not going to always go as we planned. Nothing is perfect… but sometimes the things that don’t go as planned will turn out even better than what we expected.
What “perfection” are you pursuing or trying to find? When has it led you to something unexpected?
