How to Handle a Fear of Flying and Travel Anxiety

Adventure is a State of Mind

Many people have a fear of flying and/or experience travel anxiety. Even people who enjoy traveling and exploring the big, beautiful world we live in!

The difference between someone who is too afraid to buy a plane ticket and someone who enjoys their travel adventures is not whether they experience anxiety or not. The difference is how they cope with their anxiety and fears.

The Difference Between Fear and Anxiety

There is nothing wrong with fear and anxiety. They are both normal emotions, and they play important roles in keeping us all safe. Can you imagine what would happen if you didn’t feel any fear at all? Among many other problematic issues, you’d walk into traffic without looking… or caring!

Fear is a biological response to a real or perceived (more on that later) threat. Anxiety is a concern about a future, potential threat that may or may not happen.

Both are our brain and body’s attempt to keep us safe, which is normal and good. But both are based on what the brain thinks is or will be a threat, which sometimes is a problem when our brains get a little overzealous at their jobs of protecting us. At that point, they start making us fear things that are not truly a threat and will never happen.

This is what happens with phobias, such as a fear of flying (aerophobia). Our brains tell us that something is much more dangerous than it really is. 

When flying on a commercial plane, the odds of any of us experiencing a plane crash is significantly less likely than being run over by a car when crossing the street. Because we cross streets on a daily basis, our brains, however, insist that the less familiar activity (flying) is more dangerous. This is exacerbated when something reminds us of that risk, such as in the weeks and months following a plane crash when the news is very focused on that specific danger.

Danger Doesn’t Always Result in Fear

My grandfather was killed when he crashed the plane he and my 14-year-old father were flying in. 

You might assume from this statement that I’m afraid to fly, but I’m not. In fact, my father wasn’t afraid to fly either. Nor were his siblings and his mother. Nor any of us grandkids.

How is that possible? Well, as mentioned earlier, fears and anxieties are related to perceptions of danger. In other words, what we tell ourselves about something will, in large part, determine whether we end up fearing that thing.

In the case of my grandfather’s accident, the fact that my father survived the crash added the narrative that even if a plane crashes, there can be survivors. Additionally, the family’s story of the crash did not include “planes aren’t safe.” I can honestly say growing up I never heard anyone say anything close to that. Instead, the family story of the crash was about how dangerous coyote hunting was – my grandfather was flying low in order to spot coyotes for a group of hunters. That story was added to another earlier story of a relative who was killed when he was thrown from a vehicle during a coyote hunt, which is probably why the story of the dangers of coyote hunting had more sticking power in my family than a fear of flying.

My Own Anxieties

Just because I’m not afraid of flying, in general, doesn’t mean I don’t experience any anxieties related to travel. When the date of a trip is approaching, my anxiety begins to rise. A tiny bit of it is related to the flight, especially if it is a long overseas flight. But the majority of my anxiety is related to all of the things I can imagine going wrong during our travel adventure, including safety issues. 

Since I’m often the planner and organizer of the travel adventures we share with family and friends, I also worry about whether we’ve made the right decisions as to what to see, what to do, and where to stay. I know it’s impossible to plan the perfect trip, but that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes struggle with wanting to create the perfect trip for my travel companions.

I also tend to worry about packing. Even after years of travel experience and writing detailed lists, I can still wake up in the middle of the night wondering whether I remembered to put something like an electric converter on the list.

And finally, there are all of the worries about the long list of things that need to get done before we leave home – Have we stopped the mail? Have we ordered foreign currency? Did we talk to someone about coming to the house to water our plants? Sometimes the pre-vacation to-do list can be pretty daunting!

Facing the Fears

We all experience our own unique fears and anxieties related to travel. For the purposes of this article, I’m going to focus on how to cope with a fear of flying, but the strategies addressing a fear of flying can be used to address most other fears and anxieties. The important thing is to acknowledge when you’re feeling anxious or fearful and then to take steps to address those feelings.

Calm the System

When dealing with any fears or anxiety, it is important to initially assess how anxious and stressed you feel overall. If you are perpetually in a state of high stress, it doesn’t take much to overload your system. On the other hand, if you’re feeling generally relaxed and chill, there is a significant physiological buffer for you to handle stressful situations that come your way, such as boarding a plane.

Ways to maintain a calm brain and body generally focus on maintaining your overall health, and they include the following:

1. Eat healthy, including lots of nutrient-dense foods such as fruits and vegetables. Avoid or reduce ultra-processed foods that contain a high number of additives, which are associated with increased anxiety and depression.
2. Stay hydrated. Dehydration can contribute to feelings of anxiety.
3. Limit caffeine. The same caffeine that helps wake you up and energize you can also contribute to feelings of anxiety and “the jitters.”
4. Limit alcohol. Many individuals turn to alcohol, thinking its sedative effects will help them cope with anxiety. And it might… but not for very long. Withdrawal from alcohol can increase anxiety, which is sometimes called “hangxiety.” 
5. Get enough sleep. This one is definitely easier said than done given that worries can disrupt sleep, but a lack of sleep can amplify emotions such as anxiety. Even if you’re feeling anxious and are having difficulty falling or staying asleep, do what you can to improve your sleep, such as going to bed early enough to give yourself an opportunity to rest and keeping your bedroom quiet, dark, and cool.
6. Exercise. Movement definitely helps to reduce anxiety. Even a short walk around the block can be helpful. Exercising outdoors gives you an added bonus since time in nature has also been shown to improve your mood and decrease anxiety.

Don’t Feed the Fear Monster

As we discussed earlier, fears are based on what we tell ourselves about a situation. Focusing on a fear and repeatedly reading, watching, or talking about that fear will only make the anxiety grow. All of us are susceptible to doom-scrolling, especially when something we fear, such as a plane crash, recently occurred. But doing so will only make your fear grow worse. 

It’s okay to obtain helpful information – for example, do some research on the safety statistics for the various airlines or where the safest seat on the plane is located – but beyond that, your internet searches are likely to feed your fears.

As a general rule, if you are thinking about the thing that scares you so as to develop a plan of how to manage it, that’s okay. Continuing to think about it beyond that point, however, is worrying. And worrying is generally a waste of your time and energy. You are experiencing the negative emotions related to the things you fear, even though many of those fears are unlikely to ever occur. As Mark Twain said, “I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life – some of which actually happened.” 

Feelings Aren’t Facts

It’s important to acknowledge your feelings. But it’s also important to remember that feelings aren’t facts.

For example, if you’re feeling so scared of the idea of flying that it’s difficult for you to plan a trip you’ve been wanting to take for years, don’t deny your feelings or shame yourself. You’re feeling what you’re feeling, and as we said before, fears aren’t a bad thing. You can even thank your brain for working so hard to try to protect you.

But you also need to recognize that just because you’re feeling afraid does not actually mean you’re in danger.

Have you ever had the experience of going for a walk, and out of the corner of your eye you spotted a stick or piece of rope lying near the path? Odds are you jumped, briefly thinking it was a snake, before your brain was able to process what it really was. The fear you felt was real. But the reality was you were never in any danger.

The same is true of a fear of flying. The fear is real, but just because you’re scared doesn’t mean the danger is real. Recognizing and reminding ourselves of this can go a long way in helping us to find the courage to face the thing we’re afraid of facing. In some ways, our fears are like the weather – when it rains, it doesn’t mean we can’t go outside. It just means we may want to wear a jacket or take an umbrella. And we know in a few minutes, or sometimes hours, the rain will stop. Just like our fear and anxiety will eventually go away.

Monitor Your Self-Talk

What you tell yourself about a situation determines, in large part, how you perceive that situation. If you tell yourself you’ll never be able to fly because you’re afraid of flying, you will increase your anxiety.

We can’t erase our negative thoughts – our brains don’t like a vacuum – but we can replace them. You’ll likely have difficulty telling yourself the complete opposite of your current negative and fearful thoughts. For example, “I love to fly!” probably won’t stick if you’re currently afraid to do so. You can, however, tell yourself things that are slightly more positive than your current thoughts.

Instead of saying, “I’m too afraid to fly,” remind yourself, “I’ve managed hard things before.” Or focus on the facts, such as reminding yourself that the airline has a good safety record, the pilot is trained, or that feeling scared doesn’t actually mean there is any danger.

Avoid Catastrophizing

Humans have a tendency to focus on worst-case scenario thinking. This can be helpful if you’re an engineer and need to think through all of the problems needing to be addressed when designing and building a new building. It’s not so helpful when addressing fears, however.

For example, if you focus on all of the possible ways you can die in a plane crash, I guarantee your fears will get worse rather than better! 

It is far more helpful to focus on the best-case scenario. For example, visualize yourself having a smooth flight and landing safely at your destination.

Similarly, if you’re on the flight, don’t exaggerate your response to things that occur. If the flight becomes bumpy, don’t tell yourself that every little jiggle is an indication that the plane is going to crash. Instead, realistically observe what happened (“oops, there was a little bump”) and then focus on something else. Chances are you’ve experienced worse bumps when driving over potholes, with little or no fear involved.

I once sat beside a woman who had never flown before and was quite anxious. For the entire two-hour flight, she gasped and exclaimed, “Oh, what was that?!” to every movement and noise that occurred, included each time the little girl sitting behind her kicked her seat or squealed with joy. By the time we landed, I too was feeling a little anxious about flying in reaction to her responses. Not to mention being a little bruised from where she repeatedly grabbed my arm!

Accept the Loss of Control

For many people, the fear of flying isn’t about a fear of crashing as much as it’s about a fear of loss of control. That fear may be the result of not controlling the flying of the plane – I once met someone who told me they couldn’t sleep on a plane because they were worried the plane would crash if they weren’t awake to keep them all safe – or because they don’t have control over their space, such as not being able to leave their seat during take off and landing. Similarly, they may struggle with some claustrophobia and knowing they can’t leave the plane during the flight.

Sometimes distraction can help with these fears. For example, I feel slightly claustrophobic if I start to think about not being able to open the door and leave the plane during a flight, but I don’t let myself dwell on that thought. Instead, I turn my attention to the book I’m reading whenever the thought arises.

It also helps for all of us to learn to accept what we cannot control, both during a flight as well as in our everyday lives. 

There are many, many things we can’t control, but we tend to go through our days pretending we have it all under control. For example, none of us have any control over the other drivers on the road as we drive around town completing our weekend errands. We tend to not think about that, however, and feel safe because we experience the illusion of control. A plane flight feels more scary because that illusion is harder to maintain. 

Part of acceptance is recognizing that although you don’t have control over everything and everyone around you, you do have control over your own choices and reactions. So, for example, you can’t control whether there will be turbulence. But you can control what you tell yourself about the turbulence. 

You can decide to tell yourself that bumps mean the plane is going to crash. Or you can reassure yourself the plane is designed to handle turbulence, and then turn your mental focus toward your reason for flying and what you’re looking forward to at the end of your flight. 

And you can choose whether you scream or take a deep breath… or grab the arm of the passenger next to you.

Create a Coping Toolkit

Another way to increase your sense of control is to develop tools to cope with problems when they arise. The more tools you have in your emotional toolkit, the more confident you will feel when facing difficult or uncomfortable situations, such as coping with fear of flying.

The following are great additions to your toolkit if you don’t don’t already practice them:

1. Breathing techniques. Your breath may be the most powerful tool you have for managing fear and anxiety. Diaphragmatic breathing, also known as belly breathing, can work like a switch to help you move from “fight-or-flight” emotions to more calm “rest-and-digest” emotions. One of my favorite breathing techniques is called Box Breathing. You can find many online written and video tutorials about Box Breathing and many other breathing techniques. Try different ones out until you find at least one that feels comfortable to you.
2. Grounding techniques. If you’re worrying, you’re in your head. Grounding techniques refer to focusing on one or all of your five senses to get out of your head by focusing on your body. The popular 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique is identifying five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Alternatively, a very simple grounding technique you can use during a flight is to chew gum (which will also help your ears adjust to the pressure changes) and to focus on the taste and sensation of the gum in your mouth.
3. Progressive muscle relaxation. This involves tensing your muscles and then letting go of the tension as a way to relax more fully than if you just tell yourself to relax. It’s most effective doing it progressively from head to toe (or vice versa), but you might want to practice whole body progressive muscle relaxation at home since it could look odd on a plane. (I guarantee the person sitting next to you will wonder if you’re okay when you tighten up all the muscles in your face and neck.) You can, however, target specific muscle groups while sitting on the plane, such as tensing and hunching your arms and shoulders and then relaxing the muscles.
4. Change the channel. Visualize your anxious thoughts as appearing on a television screen in your brain. Luckily, you hold the remote control. If you begin thinking negative or fearful thoughts, visualize yourself changing the channel to a different station with different thoughts.
5. Distraction. As we discussed earlier, thinking about a problem is only helpful if you are addressing the actual problem and developing a plan. So, if you find yourself worrying, distracting yourself is a form of changing the channel of your thinking. When traveling by plane, bring distractions that are flying compatible, such as a book to read, music to listen to, or movies to watch on your phone. Make sure to plan ahead that anything you want to use on your phone is downloaded before the flight and you have your charging cord and a battery backup, just in case your plane seat doesn’t have a USB port.
6. Meditation. This is another tool that you will likely want to develop before you fly, but with experience, it is a tool that can be helpful in the midst of a stressful situation, such as a plane flight. Again, there are a wealth of resources on the internet, so try different ones until you find one that works best for you. There are also phone apps with guided meditations. Just make sure you can download the guided meditation to use offline during your flight.
7. Gratitude. In general, our brains have difficulty holding on to two competing emotions at the same time. Fear and gratitude are difficult to feel at the same time. By focusing on what you’re grateful for – for example, being safe at that moment, the opportunity to travel somewhere exciting, enjoying your travel companions – fear will generally decrease or move to the back of your mind rather than front and center.
8. Curiosity. Similarly, our brains have difficulty experiencing fear and curiosity at the same time, so letting yourself be curious about anything is likely to decrease your anxiety. Notice the people around you and let yourself be curious about who they are and what makes them tick. Let yourself go down that rabbit hole on the internet regarding something that fascinates you. You can even get curious about your fears. Instead of avoiding them, let yourself wonder about when they originated and why, as well as why they are better or worse under different circumstances.
9. Comfort items. Many of us have certain items that make us feel warm and fuzzy inside. It could be a favorite sweatshirt, a soft scarf, a sweet-smelling lotion, or a ring that was a gift from a close friend. Whatever the item is, if it’s easy to carry with you on your flight, consider bringing it as another tool to cope with your anxiety.

Medication

Avoid taking medications to manage your fear and anxiety unless prescribed by a physician. And definitely don’t try any medication for the first time during your flight! As tempting as it might be to try one of your friend’s sleeping pills or anti-anxiety medications to cope with your fear, it is not safe to do so without medical supervision, especially in an unfamiliar environment when you don’t know how your body will react. I knew someone who told me she took a sleeping pill for the first time during the first of two flights to Europe and had no memory of arriving at the airport or finding and boarding the next flight!

If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.

Lemony Snicket

Be Compassionate With Yourself 

Facing our fears is hard work for all of us. If it was easy, none of us would ever need to be brave. Recognize the effort you’re putting into overcoming your fears, and avoid shaming yourself for feeling afraid.

Reward yourself for being courageous and facing your fears. Sometimes, the reward is getting to do the thing your fear was stopping you from doing. For example, if you’ve always wanted to visit France, and you finally got on the plane, you’re going to feel incredibly proud of yourself when you get there. And, hopefully, you’ll have an amazing travel adventure as your reward.

If the reward isn’t immediate, however, it’s often helpful to create interim goals and rewards. For example, buy yourself an expensive bar of chocolate that you let yourself eat when your flight is halfway across the Atlantic Ocean. Or download some special movies that you don’t let yourself watch until you’re on the flight, even if you could have watched them at home weeks earlier. Facing your fear of flying definitely earns you those treats!

It’s also important to recognize that sometimes you need some extra help. If you’re unable to manage your fear of flying (or any other fears) with the aforementioned suggestions, and it is interfering significantly with your life, consider contacting a licensed therapist with training in exposure therapy. At times, we all need some extra support, and exposure therapy is considered the most effective therapy for phobias, but it is difficult to do on your own without support.

Do you have a fear of flying or other travel-related fears? What can you do to improve your ability to cope better overall with stressful situations? And what specific tools can you add to your emotional toolbox to help you better cope with your fears?

Sandi McCoy Kramos Clinical Psychologist

Sandi McCoy Kramos is a licensed clinical psychologist with a doctorate from the University of Virginia and over 30 years of experience as a therapist. She is also a lifelong traveler with years of experience planning and implementing individual travel adventures for herself and family and friends. When asked why she started this blog, Sandi said, "Over the years I've realized that when people say they want to travel but don't actually do it, it's often their own insecurities and lack of knowledge that get in the way. I want to give individuals the knowledge they need to actually make their travel dreams come true."

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