Do It Your Way

Adventure is a State of Mind

Recently our friends, Danielle and Gibran, talked to me and my husband, Greg, about taking a trip to Greece. We showed them photos from our past trip and discussed where they might want to visit and what they might want to do. We also lent them a Rick Steves book about Greece.

Yesterday, Danielle returned the book to us and told us that they are now planning to visit Croatia instead. When I asked her why they changed their plans, she said that they decided Greece “would just be too hard.”

Normally when someone says something like that to me about traveling independently, especially when it is someplace I’ve been so I know it’s doable, my response is, “No, it isn’t! You can do it!” But after some discussion with Danielle, I completely agreed with their decision. Let me explain what went into their decision and why I think it’s a good model to follow in certain travel decisions.

Clarity of Goals

From the beginning of their conversation with us, our friends were very clear about what they wanted. They were looking for a travel adventure that was focused on outdoor experiences and relaxation and did not include much time in cities or long hours inside museums or history exhibits. They also knew they would have about two and a half weeks available and wanted to focus more on depth – staying in one country and getting to see quite a bit of it – rather than on breadth – trying to see as many countries as possible during one trip.

Danielle told me in order to see a wide representation of Greece, they would want to visit a number of islands; but as they began to look at what it would take to visit some of the islands, such as figuring out the ferry system and schedules, they decided that it was too complicated. Instead, they decided to pick a country that wasn’t too large but where they could also get around fairly easily without needing to put significant time into figuring out a ferry system. They decided dealing with the complications of a new mode of transportation would likely take away from the potential relaxation of their trip.

Because our friends were clear about what they wanted to do (and not do) during their travel adventures, it helped them to sort through options. If they hadn’t been clear, they might have decided to visit multiple islands because that’s what the guidebooks recommend. Or they might have decided to go to the Peloponnese region of Greece because we had been there and told them how much we enjoyed it, whether or not those plans would provide the sort of experience they were seeking.

Obviously, if you join a tour group, you have to go where the tour guide takes you. Even when traveling independently, however, some people go where others tell them they “should” go or because it shows up on every Top Ten list of places to visit. That’s how people end up planning a trip that they ultimately don’t enjoy as much as they could – either because they don’t see and do the things that truly interest them, or they spend the trip doing things at a pace that either bores them because it’s too slow or wears them out because it’s over scheduled.

Know Your Whys

Being clear about what you want to do and why you want to do it can help you to set priorities, as well as adapt and make changes that still match your needs and wants. For example, let’s say you planned a trip to see Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris in May 2019, but in April Notre-Dame experienced the huge fire that collapsed its spire and most of its roof. In this situation, visiting Notre-Dame is not going to be an option for you for quite some time.

What should you do? It depends on your whys. Were you visiting Notre-Dame because you have loved that particular church for as long as you can remember and you saved for years and years to be able to visit it? That might be the most difficult situation. You could decide to cancel your trip until Notre-Dame reopened. Alternatively, you might be so interested in Notre-Dame historically and architecturally that you would still be interested in seeing it, even from afar, and you might find the reconstruction interesting to view.

What if you have a hobby of visiting famous cathedrals around the world and Notre-Dame was just one of many on your list? You might decide to call the airline and change your plane ticket so that you could visit another famous cathedral somewhere else in Europe, such as the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona, Spain.

Finally, what if your interests are more generally focused on cathedrals in France? Then you might keep your plane ticket to Paris and visit other famous cathedrals that are reasonably close to Paris, such as Chartres Cathedral.

There’s no one single correct itinerary for any trip, but there can be plans that are right for you. No one else can tell you exactly what those plans should look like, but if you’re clear about what you do and do not want and what is important to you, it will be much easier for you to create the “perfect” itinerary.

“‘First things first” might be a cliche, but it’s a useful one that means prioritizing what matters most to you and believing there is no wrong answer.

Stacey Abrams

Know Your Limits

In addition to being clear about their travel goals, our friends knew their travel limits, which is important when planning your personalized travel adventure. Danielle told me that she and Gibran had not traveled abroad since pre-Covid and felt like they needed to simplify their trip as much as possible while they were getting used to international travel again. She knew that pushing themselves to do too many things differently than what they were already comfortable doing would create more stress than what they were willing to take on during this trip.

All of us have limits, but those limits often look different from those of others. Those limits can even change over time or with different circumstances. For example, driving isn’t my favorite thing to do, but I’m willing to do it as long as I have someone with me who is a good navigator and willing to be an active copilot during the trip. If I don’t have a copilot, I insist on using public transportation for the entire trip because I know I can’t handle driving on unfamiliar roads at the same time that I’m trying to read a map and signs, especially if they’re in a foreign language.

We all have physical limitations as well. Sometimes those limitations are related to how much you can walk, for example, but there are also limitations based on how much sleep you need every night. If someone needs nine hours of sleep a night, and they are traveling with someone who only needs six, there is the potential for them to be miserable if they try to keep the same hours as the person who needs less sleep. That doesn’t mean people with different physical needs can’t travel together, but it does mean that the entire trip will go more smoothly if everyone talks about their needs beforehand and the group plans around them. For example, maybe the itinerary avoids early morning travel so that those who need it can sleep in, but they may also make sure that they stay in an area that has interesting parks or coffee shops for the early risers to explore.

Talk About It

The key to a successful trip is knowing what you want and why and knowing your limitations… and having a discussion with your travel companions before the trip about everyone’s limitations and expectations. So often, we feel like we need to do what we think everyone else is doing. (Or what social media tells us everyone else is doing.) Following the crowd is great… if you like what the crowd is doing. If you don’t, however, it’s a recipe for disaster.

I admire that our friends had such clarity about what they are hoping to experience during their next travel adventure. That clarity helped them to change plans (and countries) when those initial plans were not matching up with their goals. If we had been planning to travel with them on the trip, I hope that they would have felt comfortable talking about those goals with us as well.

Figuring Out Your Personal Goals

Some people struggle to identify their goals. If you’re one of those people, here are some prompts to help you start:

1. What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you think about your next travel adventure? Is it a country’s name? Is it a type of scenery? A type of food? An activity? Do you have a vision of what clothes you are wearing? Take those initial images and ideas and spend some time thinking about why you are drawn to them.
2. Identify where. Is there a specific place or places you want to visit? This could be as broad as a country or as specific as a single historical site in a particular city.
3. Identify what. Are there activities you want to experience? It could be very specific, such as taking a whale watching tour, or it could be more general, such as visiting numerous wineries in a region. Also consider how active or laid back you want the trip to be. Keep in mind, it might be the same or different from past trips you’ve taken.
4. Identify why you want all of the above. This is an important step that many people skip, but the whys of your choices provide the most guidance in making plans. If those plans need to change, the whys also help you decide what you are willing to give up and what plans you may fight to keep.

A Travel Case Study

Let’s look at an example of how these prompts can help with planning. Let’s say Iceland is the first thing that pops into someone’s mind when asked where they would like to travel next. They might picture themselves visiting numerous, beautiful places in nature, including waterfalls and geysers.

In thinking about why they want to visit Iceland, they might realize what they really want is to experience the natural environment in ways that they haven’t before, including seeing a glacier, a geyser, and the Aurora Borealis (also known as the Northern Lights). Identifying this would give guidance as to what time of year they need to travel, since they will need to visit during a time of year when there are more nighttime hours. (Believe it or not, I once heard a couple complain that they didn’t get to see the Northern Lights when they visited Iceland… and then I found out that they visited in the summer when there are virtually no dark hours!)

The whys our imaginary traveler identified would also give them some guidance as to where they will want to stay, since they will want to make sure to spend some of their time in the countryside as city lights make it more difficult to see the nighttime sky clearly.

Without clarifying their why, our hypothetical traveler might travel to Iceland but agree to go with friends who suggest traveling during the summer. Or they might stay at a hotel in Reykjavik that appears in all of the Top Ten lists without considering how staying in the city would reduce their chances of seeing the Aurora Borealis.

Avoiding “Should”

There is no shortage of books, articles, blog posts, and helpful friends trying to tell you what you “should” do. Everyone has an opinion about the best restaurants you “should” visit, the neighborhoods you “shouldn’t” miss when you visit a city, and the activities you “should” do if you want to have the perfect travel experience in a certain location.

The reality is that there are very few “shoulds” in life. You should keep breathing. Most of the rest is opinion.

I heard someone once say that when they have the thought, “I should do this,” they choose to do the opposite. I’m not suggesting that you do anything that extreme. I am recommending, however, that if you hear yourself saying or thinking, “I should,” or someone tells you, “you should,” view the “should” as a sign to step back for a moment and think about the situation. Try rewording the should statement and asking yourself whether you “want” to do that thing. If you don’t, listen to that instinct instead of blindly following the “should.”

I’m not recommending that you never follow what others recommend. After all, if you’re traveling to a new location, you’re likely seeking out information to figure out what you might enjoy doing. What I’m saying is, even if multiple people and Top Ten lists tell you that you should do the same thing but that thing doesn’t appeal to you, it’s okay to skip it and do something that sounds much more interesting to you. The activity or location that didn’t make it to anyone else’s Top Ten list might be the thing you enjoy the most about your trip, and it definitely will be what makes your travel adventure unique and special for you.

In Conclusion

I hope our friends have a fantastic time in Croatia. I’m looking forward to hearing about their travel adventures because I hope to visit there in the not-too-distant future. Because I enjoyed Greece so much, I also hope that our friends visit there someday… but only if and when it’s the right trip for them.

Where are you planning to go for your next travel adventure? Have you thought through what you are hoping to experience during the trip? Do your plans match up with those goals? If not, what changes do you need to make?